Being a friend

Today was all about being a friend. Not just the ‘I’m here if you need me’ comment on Facebook friend, but a real friend.

One of my friends had a disappointment at work and needed a cup of tea and a chat. Another friend had received some heartbreaking news from home. Chocolate, flowers, cuppas and hugs were exchanged, and it made me realise that doing a good deed doesn’t have to be about spending money or doing something for a stranger. A good deed can be something as simple as being there for a friend. Key to this is something friend one mentioned – it’s about really connecting, spending time and really listening. How often do we do that in this crazy world we live in now? We all say it all the time. ‘Let me know if you need anything’, ‘I’m here if you need me’, ‘thinking of you’. But sometimes, we have to just be there. Listening.

Later in the day I had the chance to connect with someone else. A woman standing outside a local church with all her worldly possessions in trolleys and bags beside her. I stopped for a chat. She asked me if I needed help. I told her about adventofgoodthings and she smiled and told me where I can donate food and clothes. We talked about the church, the local thrift store and my dog. She was moving from a shelter to a room, and was pretty happy about it. I had nothing to offer her (walking the dog I generally carry dog treats and bags). I gave her my hat. She posed for a photo. I wished her luck in her new home. We both smiled.

Despite the eight and a half million residents, New York can be a lonely, isolating place. it’s good to have a friend. It’s even better to be one.

Got a ‘being a friend’ story to share? I’d love to hear it. And if you have any suggestions for my one good thing a day let me know.

Advent of good things day 2 – a quintet on 34th St

Today was a tough day for good deeds.

There’s a Salvation Army bell ringer on my street. I can hear her from the roof deck, when I open my door. Brrrring, ring, ring. All day.

When I told my 2-and-a-half-year-old why she was there he decided he wanted to take some money out if his money box and put it in her bucket. So we put a few quarters in his coat pocket. (He doesn’t understand the paper money thing yet, so they had to be coins). Thing is, every time we go down to donate them, she’s not there. I feel like she’s avoiding us.

Today it’s cold in New York. It’s also #GivingTuesday, so there are plenty of options for my one good thing. From Reading Empowers to NYRR Youth Programmes. I’ve had suggestions from friends (thanks to the lovely Dallas from Skilled With Kids) and emails and facebook alerts from all sorts of charities and organizations needing help. They are all worthy causes, and I will be giving to a couple of charities close to my heart this evening. But I would have done that anyway, so I wanted to get something for the elusive Salvation Army woman too. When I spotted her outside Wholefoods this lunchtime I ran in and grabbed her a coffee (to warm her up) and a muffin (just because). I was already feeling good just carrying them through the store. But when I got outside she had gone. Again. So today’s deed hasn’t been so easy. I even tried to give the coffee and muffin to the doorman on my way into the building but he declined too. So did the maintenance guy.

We ventured down to Macy’s to see Santa this afternoon – another disaster. My little boy wouldn’t go near him, let alone sit for a picture. It then took us fifteen minutes to persuade him to put on his coat back on and get outside. Feeling utterly deflated we trudged back to the subway in the rain. And then we (heard then) saw these guys doing a brass band version of the Eye of the Tiger. With choreography. Brilliant. Take a look at the video here.

Lesson of the day. A chance to do something good always presents itself. We had a chat with the guys, complemented them on the music, bought a ten-dollar CD and gave them the change out of a twenty. They loved it. Just shows, it’s the little things that make our day. My little one has watched the video at least twenty times, which has definitely been the best part of his day. Oh and my husband got to eat the Wholefoods muffin, so everyone’s happy.

Oh, and if you’re around Lucky Chops are playing at Grand Central 12-3pm on Thursday. Don’t miss them.

A warm feeling inside

Day one of good deeds. A good chance to explain why.

When I moved to New York just over a year ago, I wasn’t worried. I love this city – always have. I knew it would be beautiful, crazy and cool.

But I didn’t think it would be friendly. In fact, in the first few weeks we were here, a woman screamed in my face in Wholefoods for “crowding her”. When I was nice enough to give someone directions he shouted an aggressive “Good!” In my face and strode off. And I said sorry to everyone who bumped into me on the ‘sidewalk’ and the subway.

Safe to say I was not feeling the love.

However in the last 12 months, people have brought soup to the door when I was ill, brought books when the little monkey was sick, left $200 under my door when my credit card got cloned, walked my dog, babysat my child, helped me sort everything from doctors to gym classes to swimming lessons, and just been there for me with help and advice and a friendly face at every turn.

These things are far more beautiful than the view from the top of the Empire State Building at dusk, better than any fancy restaurant meal, trendy coffee bar, or show on (or off) Broadway. These things have made me feel not just welcomed, but amazing. This is my way of passing that on.

Today is the first day of my ‘advent of good things’, and being stuck inside all day with a poorly child was not part of the plan. But doing one good thing, it turns out, is pretty easy. I pulled out three coats (including a down jacket that got me through my first excruciatingly cold NY winter) and sloped off in the rain this evening to donate them to NY Cares Coat Drive. Easy? Yes. Worthwhile? Definitely. It kills me to think there are families out there who don’t have something as basic as a coat to keep them warm. I took ours to our local Police Precinct, and the guys on duty were very friendly and grateful. You can donate at any police station and plenty of other drop off locations in the city. Find your nearest here. And if you’re reading this in the UK you can find something local from the Winter Coat Amnesty in the North East to Wrap Up London. These may have stopped collecting now, but I’m sure there are plenty of people happy to receive a warm winter coat.

To make it a really good thing, I put a little extra donation in the pockets to help – purely for selfish reasons…It made me feel great. Roll on day two.

Got ideas or suggestions? Want to join in? Let me know.

An alternative advent calendar

I love advent calendars. Even the old fashioned ones I used to get as a kid with a picture behind each door were enough to get me jumping out of bed every morning in December. Nowadays they’re even better – who can resist a chocolate advent calendar? The excitement of counting down to Christmas one delicious treat at a time – who doesn’t want that?! The thing is, this year (for various reasons) I won’t be getting an advent calendar… I’ll still be counting down the days though – just instead of eating one good thing a day, I’ll be DOING ONE GOOD THING A DAY instead. Whether that’s donating a coat at this year’s New York Cares Coat Drive or something as simple as a coffee and a chat for someone who needs one. I haven’t got 25 things yet – so suggestions are welcome, and of course please feel free to join in. I’ll be posting on here to let you know how it goes, so watch this space.

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